Learning to Love

Remember when you were young and you found yourself being into someone that you don’t particularly know. You develop some sort of feelings for this other human that is not your family member. Back then they call it a ‘Puppy love’…

As time passes by, each year we grow older, wiser (hopefully) but definitely with more experience and the way you love somebody changes. There’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t make it less genuine but the feelings might not be as “intense” as it was when you were filled with teenage hormones.

Love is a great thing but like any good things come the balancing truth of heartache and pain. If you have been through one terrible break-up that felt as if your heart is torn into pieces and thought you could never love anyone again, then lucky you, you are about to witness one of the best kind of love.

Your first crush is not particularly your first love, which is probably why we call it a puppy love. You just want to cuddle and nothing more. Then we found ourselves a bit older and truly believe that you will find your soulmate, so when you’re first ever serious relationship began, you poured your heart and soul into it. But wait now, here’s the fun part. Many people go through their very first serious relationship between the ages of 19-22, that is also when ranging hormones are still up high in the air and every feeling is so intense it just wouldn’t work.

That is when you go through your ever first heartbreak. Have you ever cried in the shower, listen to sad songs over and over again, you couldn’t eat or some just couldn’t stop eating? The bright side of this experience is that you will soon learn how to love someone in a healthier way.

Jealousy, feeling like you have to control someone or just in general being very intense because that to you is how you show your passion. But is it really love?

If you’ve been through really bad relationships, you will only learn that the right way to love is first to love yourself and understand that everything else is not under your control.

I have been one of the most jealous, manipulative, intense and wouldn’t completely trust someone in a relationship. And although I will have to admit that I had a great boyfriend, I failed to see it behind cloudy judgments. I never trusted that he would be loyal even if deep down I knew he truly was. It was not because of him that made me that way, but I didn’t know how to control how strongly I felt for him because it was new to me and I was young.

Thankfully, that stage passed and I’ve learnt how to love in a healthier way. The most important thing is to come into terms with the reality that nothing is under your control not even your own thoughts and feelings sometimes. But you can teach yourself how to eliminate those unreasonable thoughts and feelings. It’s all about the conversation you have with yourself that sets the tone of every relationship with others. Nothing can be prevented from happening if it did not occur through your own doings. If someone you are seeing is going to cheat on you, there is nothing you could do about it and there would be no point of speculating before it even occur. So just take it as it comes.

We all are cliché romantics who wish for true love. But even if you are once broken before just remember that it would only make you a better lover than you’ve ever been.