Generally, we are reasonable human beings. Accidents happen and although things can get heated at times, we forgive and forget easily. I mean, if not we will all be at war with each other all the time. Sadly, there comes a time when people really cross you and you feel betrayed. When is it then alright to say no to forgiving someone because you haven’t been healed from it? Some things are unforgivable. You can be the judge of that but I’m here to tell you that forgiveness is overrated. However, what is important for you is to move on from that situation. The key to that is understanding.
What is forgivable and unforgivable lies on the fine line of morality. We live by certain rules and beliefs but each one of us doesn’t go by the same rules. When conflict arises and reveals where someone’s moral ground is, that is when you decide if you are able to continue to be in the same world or not.
Knowing where someone stands on morality is an important way to find a way to forgive and it maybe shines some light on the situation for you to understand more why. We are who we are from what we learn, absorb, observe, and molded into our personality from the day we are born. If someone feels comfortable with cruelty and badness, it’s only because they’ve been around it for too long. And that could be from childhood or teenage years or even in adulthood, we’re all exposed to badness at some point. It’s how we handle it that differentiates us.
If someone’s done something to cross the line, through time, with fewer emotions, you might find an understanding towards the action and maybe even forgive. But the trust foundation is destroyed and without it, there can’t be a relationship. This is why forgiveness is overrated, you can always forgive but what difference does it really make when you’re already standing in ruins? Maybe some clarity and maybe some mending helps but you should never have crossed the line. It’s best we move on and let go.
However, it is important to be explicit about your boundaries. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they are allowed to test or step over that boundaries again. New rules have to be established. We should be allowed to keep that boundary and be the gatekeeper of our trust. If someone cannot regain your trust, there’s no need to put more effort into trying to fix it. Let time heal old wounds and let time prove to you if that person should be allowed back into your life. There are more important things to focus on and if there aren’t, find things to do to be in service of others.
